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Monday, May 15, 2006


This weekend I've been shunted to a bar that really gets on my tits. It's city centre, small, exclusive and privately owned. This should make my life alot easier.

Being city centre, there's enough passing trade to allow you to be exclusive in your admission policy, the punters realise this and those inside are thankful that the chavs, scrotes and scum have to drink elsewhere.

It's small enough that it takes only two door staff. Enough for conversation, also no need to be chatting shite continously. The two rooms can both be watched from the front door with only a minor sidestep either way. The cctv is high quality as is the general feel of the place, not a dive by any standards.

It's privately owned, which means a massive flexibility of stock makes for both good value product and plenty of choice. The bar staff are employed on a long-term basis and give the impression that they know what they're doing. All these things should make for a wonderful night's work.

But no, the sole owner likes to stick his oar in and on his fleeting visits slaps his foot down. Unfortunately he usually forgets to make sure he's not slamming his oxford brogue into a steaming turd. This is why I and another had to be drafted in this weekend as the previous doorfolk had spat the dummy and gone elsewhere. We had the joys of rejecting unsavoury, drunken folk who it turned out after length were mates with the owner and promptly phoned him up and he then got us to admit them. This does happen from time to time and you just kind of roll with it. When we're given a strict appearance and sobriety level to adhere to on our door we do it. It keeps the customers a more homogenous bunch with similar expectations of their night out. When we have to let in obviously bad apples it makes life a whole lot harder for everyone and makes very poor economic sense.

Oh well, I just keep my head down and pretend to look happy. If you ever see me looking genuinely pleased it's usually that the bars just shut and I'm edging closer to my burger. When a chance to jump ship presents itself I'll be first over the gunwales and off to sunnier climes.

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