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Saturday, March 22, 2008

Long Long Long weekend

This weekend is not fun. It's easter, but it's not really as it's too early in the year for the schools to have broken up for easter and it's too cold for the tourists to head out and about.

Instead we've got local drunken men and women with a few single-sex alcohol tourist groups landing in the city for a serious 4 day drink. Thursday night's Friday night. Friday night's Friday night. Saturday and Sunday nights are Saturday nights and Monday just a no work day with early drinking all day.

It's not chocolate and over-indulgence with the family. It's just beer, spirits and an extended period of alcoholism. We're having far too busy a time of it all. I dread to think how busy the drunk-kidnappers and blue light taxis are. I'm just taking it one night at a time and keeping my head well down. Another night, another set of idiots, another wage earned and hopefully intact forget the thing and get ready for the next one. No night off this week for me.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Still awake

I know I work daft hours but the ever earlier sunrise and the stressful beast that was last-night has found me still awake at midday, about 6 hours after I'd usually be in the land of nod.

I got back, all ready for bed, then the sun came up, the randy birds started and I'm wide awake and sleep is still no closer. If it gets to 4 in the morning with no sleep I'm likely going to snap. Either that or dose up on caffeine at the start of my shift and hope I don't crash down too early.

The stresses of last night were all of my own making. I took an interest in watching some-one specific and made sure everyone was keeping an eye out for where they were and what they were up to. It's a fairly common thing for us to do but this one was more care in the community off his medication than possible drug dealer. He just had the strangest social pattern. The chatting selectively with one group then another then another. It stands out and that got him watched.

It then didn't help when some little chav thought he'd take the lad's drink. He got most annoyed, the chav got tossed out but this lad was on a mission. He clocked the fact he was being watched and once his aggravated self was out on the street went off on one. Not physically just verbally and persistently. Not enough to get nicked but enough to leave me quite highly stressed hence he delayed my sleep long enough for the dawn to kick my arse.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Hot Pants

Now the days of smoking inside nightclubs are over, alot of young, daft little punters spend a fair amount of their night standing in the cold. They are all tarted up to the nines, though doing this with the least square inches of cloth possible.

One of the many tasks I have to perform is to monitor the smoking area and make sure no-ones killed themselves or anyone else in a faster way than tar and cancer. It's still bloody wintry and I was struck this week at girls, ladies and things older than my mother that decide to wear hot pants and no tights. This is what some male punters think must be the best part of the door job. It is not, it gets tired fast especially when you work with more than just the martini beautiful people.

What struck me was this. Pretty young and shapely ladies in hot pants can be appealing. If your legs are a good feature, work with them, maybe even brave the icy cold and get them working for you. All fine with that, it's marketing and will work for some folk at some level.

What gets me is very large ladies, often squat lumpy ladies who really need to use mirrors, common sense, dignity, shame and taste before thinking hot pants. The idea that size 24 hot pants are manufactured and sold means something is wrong with the world. For the one 7' 2" lady with good legs who likes to get them out, I'm sorry. For the vast podgey, doughy, stumpy ridiculous hordes who wear them, please for the love of sanity, don't wear them in public and please don't try and come anywhere near where I work. I will laugh in your face until you go away. I'm not nice but why make me suffer plus sizes in hot pants. It's like shaving two blubbery seals and dragging them round town to get drunk.