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Saturday, March 08, 2008

Hot Pants

Now the days of smoking inside nightclubs are over, alot of young, daft little punters spend a fair amount of their night standing in the cold. They are all tarted up to the nines, though doing this with the least square inches of cloth possible.

One of the many tasks I have to perform is to monitor the smoking area and make sure no-ones killed themselves or anyone else in a faster way than tar and cancer. It's still bloody wintry and I was struck this week at girls, ladies and things older than my mother that decide to wear hot pants and no tights. This is what some male punters think must be the best part of the door job. It is not, it gets tired fast especially when you work with more than just the martini beautiful people.

What struck me was this. Pretty young and shapely ladies in hot pants can be appealing. If your legs are a good feature, work with them, maybe even brave the icy cold and get them working for you. All fine with that, it's marketing and will work for some folk at some level.

What gets me is very large ladies, often squat lumpy ladies who really need to use mirrors, common sense, dignity, shame and taste before thinking hot pants. The idea that size 24 hot pants are manufactured and sold means something is wrong with the world. For the one 7' 2" lady with good legs who likes to get them out, I'm sorry. For the vast podgey, doughy, stumpy ridiculous hordes who wear them, please for the love of sanity, don't wear them in public and please don't try and come anywhere near where I work. I will laugh in your face until you go away. I'm not nice but why make me suffer plus sizes in hot pants. It's like shaving two blubbery seals and dragging them round town to get drunk.


Tabitha said...

Christ, that's a bit harsh! Some blokes like larger ladies, anyway, or so I'm told. I don't really think anyone should wear hotpants, or go around in barely any clothes as women of all shapes and sizes are fond of doing, but why should someone's size dictate what fashions they can and can't wear?

Anyway, I like your blog regardless.

Stonehead said...

Harsh? It's painful on the senses. I know number of well-built women who can go out for a night on the town and look cracking because they wear clothes that flatter them.

But there are others who should not be allowed to out in public.

One of the worst examples I've seen was in London a few years back.

The young woman walking in front of me had on six-inch stilettos, seamed stockings, a micro skirt, and a lycra crop top. The only problem was that she was at least a size 20 and her clothes were a 16 a most.

She oozed over her stocking tops, had a vast muffin top over the waist of her skirt, she had folds showing through her top, and even more of her bulged out and around her ludicrously tight bra straps.

Of course I laughed. As did almost everyone else who saw her.

Size does matter when it comes to fashion. There are cuts and styles that suit short, rounded women, ones that suit tall, thin women, ones that suit average women, and so on.

I worked on women's magazines for a while and there are fashions to suit almost all body sizes and shapes. But you wear the wrong ones at your peril—especially when they are far too big or far too small for your actual size!

Bambi said...

Good words.