tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-207354482024-03-23T09:09:06.756-07:00The doorman's blogOccasional postings from a toe-to-toe customer services physical interface operative.
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The ramblings and collected tales from a jobbing licensed doorman. Tales of drunken woe, machismo, loose women, loose fists and 99% boredom. Hopefully updated as thoughts worthy of an audience hit my mind.
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'Over a decade at it and not winning any beauty contests'</p></p>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.comBlogger263125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-48179384117877245822011-04-15T11:00:00.000-07:002011-04-15T18:05:46.456-07:00Give it up<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >One busy Saturday night, we've got quite a few groups in from out of town, stag do's and hen do's </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >mixing in with the locals. There's a little friction inside and we fly in to find a customer on his backside, a little splattered after being smacked up side the head. The DJ tells us that the violent gent we're after is conveniently dressed as spiderman. This allows the team to split, some with the dazed and confused and a couple with me. The gent covered head to toe in a lycra web-slinger outfit, with shaped foam body sculpted panels, is not hard to find.<br />On approaching him after a whole 8 seconds looking for him, he raises both arms aggressively and tries to take a fighting stance. He finds a doorman on each arm, his torso parallel to the floor and route to the door shortening and clearing rapidly. As he meets the night air, we ease off and his arms come back under his control, he tries to shrug himself out of our never tender embrace. This leads to him propelling himself away from us with all four limbs. Forgetting he's horizontal and without a limb left he falls flat onto his face and padded chest.<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >Here a gent, who's given up on the dancing and is waiting in the cool for his partner to get her coat, advises very politely that spidey should cool off. The result of the spider human interaction told him rather aggressively to "Fuck off Old Timer". The gent was a little affronted and again politely</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" > invited him to chill out. The webbed wonder turned and went to give another mouthful of verbal abuse to the gent. Not </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >unsurprisingly, the gent didn't wait for it to escalate and slotted him a tight fast left jab. Spider man again fell to the floor on his less padded arse.</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >That made us giggle and the gent took his ladies arm and wandered on into the night. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-family:verdana;font-size:85%;" >Our super un-hero seems a little aggrieved, but as we retake our stance on the doorway and continue the business of the night, he stands outside the barriers and keeps slinging abuse at us.<br />The masked marvel wonder was not done however. His anger and tirade against all and sundry continued. The police arrived as they typically do in the small hours and watch his abuse slinging antics for thirty seconds before getting out of the van en-masse and advising him to quit. A mouthful of verbal abuse of the bluest nature led to him being nicked. He didn't go quietly and was once again getting his use out of the foam padding before the cuffs came on and the only thing left for him to climb was the cage in the back of the van. He must have been as shit at climbing as he was at keeping out of trouble, we kept on hearing him falling again and again in that six foot box at the back. <br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-23683342967020041692011-03-28T13:45:00.000-07:002011-03-29T13:24:57.645-07:00One in a<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 51);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">Hundreds of people come through the door on a normal night. Some venues I've worked at could do 3-4k punter turnover in 4 hours with only half a dozen staff. Most of these will be fine, they'll buy drinks, not steal them, they'll dance and chat and help build a good atmosphere, not lurk, leer and poison a good atmosphere. Depending upon the venue, therewill be a mix of the good and the bad. The challenge is knowing how to tell them apart, how to assess the broad range of folks coming in and identifying the problems. If we need 1000 people in but to do that we'll have to let in 100 bad, there will be more trouble in the venue and more need for doorstaff than if we let only 900 in and they all have a good night without witnessing fights and having to overly watch their bags and drinks we may see all of them back. This can be missed by a manager with a 5 figure sales target for the night but less bother, more fun, longer stays, more spend per head, lower staff numbers, all help hit those targets. There is no secret trick to picking good from bad, watch people, judge people, listen for accents, speech patterns, what they're wearing, how they're wearing it, how they carry themselves, how they communicate internally amongst their group, between strangers and with you. Don't sit and weigh these as you might a hand in poker with half the cards known, get a feel for who you want in and make your calls accordingly. You'll never get it all right, you'll never be able to see the future, you just work with what you do and don't get too obsessed with the one who you're not sure about, don't miss the 10 really bad ones while you're thinking.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-87905388101781946682011-03-03T12:54:00.000-08:002011-03-03T13:09:12.948-08:00The End<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Well folks, I'm going to step back from writing a weekly update. It seems from my stats that this blogs readership is tapering off. The numbers are dropping and I can only imagine the day of the moderate, text only, everyman blog has passed, in favour of fast to digest tweets and more content rich material which I don't have the time to assemble on a weekly basis. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I imagine I have some loyal followers and to you, warm and heartfelt thanks. Occasional postings will emerge when I feel compelled to pass on an anecdote or a rant but the attempts at week by week, weekly postings are coming to an end.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-27273600645220238802011-02-24T11:49:00.001-08:002011-02-24T12:00:47.356-08:00Swapping a C into punters<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">If you do a public facing job, over time you'll slowly grow to despise them. You might move to intolerance of them, but slowly they'll get under your skin and you'll hate them. There will always be nice ones, ones that make you smile and have hope there are still decent corners of humanity left out there. Unfortunately these are the rare islands of sanity in a world of self absorbed, self centred, retarded filth that make up most of the drinking public. I know that decent people don't go out and avoid pubs with doorstaff, the sad fact that idiots seem to occupy all the space not filled with even moderately nice people is depressing. I've learnt that even though I hate them, I still enjoy the work. You can look beyond the customers and the sticky floored smelly venue to the act of doing the job well, earning respect and maintaining professionalism. That provides sufficient reward to deal with the punters, with an C or not, and not just give it all up as a bad job.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-56952069300717917752011-02-08T13:31:00.001-08:002011-02-08T13:52:42.434-08:00Invincible<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">I am still amazed by the ability of folks, most often men it has to be said, who in drink appear to become invincible. With a sufficient number of over-strength lagers inside them, they can seemingly do amazing feats of strength, stupidity and self abuse which would leave most sober folks, exhausted, broken or befuddled. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I have seen grown men piggy back two others, at the same time, up a steep rain soaked street. This was done, to some applause, from a taxi queue which he had decided would be too long hence he became the one man hansom cab.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I have seen and heard a gent rip a door from it's hinges with his fingertips after convincing himself the door opened inwards at the hinge side. This involved wrenching 6 screws, three each plate, from their positions deep in a brick wall. The offender and offended door emerged into the rest of the toilet area, with a load crash, to find a troop of doorstaff ready to escort him from the venue and escort the door to a store room until the night was over.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've seen a gentleman, for surely he was one, punch an outside wall, repeatedly, until the plaster was off the brickwork, his hand was a squishy mess and we were waiting on two varieties of blue light taxi to arrive. He then gave us the finger, picked up his bottle of beer, with the busted hand, took a swill of beer, poured some blood and beer down his chin and sallied off into the night.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Oh for the mornings after.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-36421848376844752982011-02-02T12:50:00.000-08:002011-02-02T13:00:11.924-08:00Shut it!<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Standing in the doorway, refusing entry to a family gaggle of chav, I really just wish they'd accept reality. That reality being, the entire group, cousins, sisters, uncles and aunts are not coming in. Too much bad hair dye, very visible brands and sparkly things on both boys and girls.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">What they do, is make a lot of noise. Some of it is aimed at me and my colleagues, for being unreasonable, 'dickheads', 'useless jobsworths' an similar stream of entertaining nonsense. Some of it is aimed at the previous lot for arguing the toss and getting them all refused. Some are trying to get an understanding as to what the heck is going on, has gone and will be going on. With 20 nasal whining and complaining voices talking across me I really do wish we'd have a decent shout, inside or out and we could leave these muppets to it. </span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-26172032757245000432011-01-19T11:29:00.000-08:002011-01-20T13:11:44.678-08:00Bargain Boozing<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">I'm not an </span><a style="font-family: verdana;" href="http://www.shef.ac.uk/scharr/sections/heds/staff/brennan_a.html">academic expert</a><span style="font-family:verdana;"> in the price elasticity of demand for over strength alcohol in those with alcohol related problems. I'm not publishing </span><a style="font-family: verdana;" href="http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736%2810%2960058-X/fulltext">papers in the Lancet</a><span style="font-family:verdana;">. I do however deal with a large number of people who have problems with alcohol and an even larger number of people who don't. In the course of my work I've encountered some people who's relationship with alcohol has led to their own death or those of others. I've seen folks slowly destroy their physical and mental health with drink. I've commented </span><a style="font-family: verdana;" href="http://doormansblog.blogspot.com/2010/09/minimum-unit-price.html">here</a><span style="font-family:verdana;"> before on the minimum alcohol price and my support for a sensible minimum. It's affect on me and my line of work would only be positive. The use of licenced front-line doorstaff is almost exclusively on licensed premises serving non-minimum price drinks to those with or without the money to pay for it. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">What concerns me about the</span><a style="font-family: verdana;" href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-12212240"> recent moves</a><span style="font-family:verdana;"> on minimum alcohol unit prices is two fold. The level it is set at is ridiculously low. The inability to retail at below the current taxation level doesn't set a sensible bar to problem drinkers. To be so low on funds, even benefit derived funds, to not be able to pickle yourself daily, is not stopped.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">The second worry is that this will be brought in, then over time, once the general public has accepted the idea of a minimum, this minimum being the tax minimum, the tax will rise. The minimum price will go up, the problems with cheap drink will fall, the price will rise again. All the time the tax on all drinks will rise and the many punters, daily, weekly, monthly or occasional, will be paying with every drink. This will hurt hard the vast majority who drink without problem and the minimum unit pricing, will hurt everyone.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-20892060697970698022011-01-10T11:44:00.001-08:002011-01-10T11:56:17.086-08:00The Quiet Time<span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 51);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">With the elf filled fun of christmas and the frankly violently drunken new years out of the way we find ourselves in the cold, quiet nights of January. The tightness of wallets after the excesses of presents, food and festivities leaves very few having big nights out. The few we do get heading our way are often those on weekly pay or benefits and are not big fans of prudence. The nights are cold, wet and sometimes snowy, streets are quiet, venues are quiet. All in all not an inspiring mix for a mid-week night on the razz. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Early finishes seem to be the fashion of the season, some even before I start. </span></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-46131575350765337022011-01-04T16:14:00.000-08:002011-01-04T16:51:52.730-08:00Food Review<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">At the end of a shift the hot fast food options are limited. I'm not gonna be bothered with a pot noodle at 5am and it's just a little too early for the greasy spoon by the bus depot to have the hot plate frying. This leaves me with a few select takeaways to indulge my hunger. Pizza's, chicken, kebabs and burgers. I have sampled all of their various delights and I feel I should relate a couple of my findings. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The cheap and cheery late night pizza places often don't use real cheese, more a cheese substitute involving some lovely fish protein. Not particularly noticeable when inebriated but very appreciable when sober and eating this in a brightly lit kitchen back at home. Cheesy chips often fall foul of this too.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Garlic sauce is not for every day. Savoury and enticing to even the most resilient pallets. The garlic carrier may vary between mayo, yogurt or some satanic middle ground between the two. There may be green stuff included, mint, coriander, anonymous green. The garlic can boost your immune system, reduce your attractiveness to women. Day in day out it does however seem to penetrate your blood stream, in a hot sweaty club this is not the way to go.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Too many carb's just before bedtime, even if it takes you to 7am to get your head down, sit around and give you a gut. Good to fuel you up early doors, bad to lay down on. For this I avoid the battered chicken, the garlic breads and the like. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The decision then lies between the burgers and the kebabs. The solution for me is the chef's special burger, the dirty hybrid of cheese burger and kebab. One or two beefburgers, by this time of the night reheated on the griddle, not typically cooked from fresh, processed cheese slices, bringing the cow derived content to about half the event. Then doner kebab meat, lamb based grilled fun with high fat, salt and taste content. Top it with salad, onion, chili, garlic, tommyK or otherwise and enjoy in a sesame seed bun. Highly calorific fuel to makeup for the hours spent sweating, dashing about a busy club and wrestling drunkards.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-29645186065368459152010-12-20T04:49:00.000-08:002010-12-20T06:07:26.003-08:00Once a year wankers<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">This time of year, any day of the week, you get people out drinking and socialising who don't usually do this. They don't regularly come into town and work their way around the bars and clubs of town. They don't regularly start drinking at lunchtime and try to keep playing 'til 4am. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">They don't interact with other drunk people, bar staff or doorstaff. These folk can end up getting into rows in taxi queues, not thinking that the shivering line of folks is trying to do exactly what they want to do. They fall in the street and knock their teeth out and wonder why they get advice on getting a taxi to A&E and not an ambulance.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">They ask barstaff, busy and tired, for things they don't stock and then get abusive when they can't comprehend that not every bar is the same. They can be arrogant and disrespectful when dealing with all the many working folk they meet. For taxi-drivers and takeaway workers, they annoy and irritate, for me and my colleagues they present an entertaining challenge. These folk aren't regulars, their once a year money will not make or break the venues we work for. They often won't remember anything in detail and they don't have a clue what level of behaviour is expected of them. This allows us to have all sorts of fun and games. There will be some wives and husbands getting confused, befuddled, inebriated and part frozen other halves coming home in the wee small hours. I hope I can be the cause of as many of these as possible, after all it is christmas, and I've got to spread the cheer.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-40102722071711015842010-12-13T14:54:00.000-08:002010-12-14T13:18:37.843-08:00Pseudonym<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-family: verdana;font-size:85%;" >When at work, I don't feel the need to give out my name to everyone I encounter. Quite often this is just to retain a little distance, sometimes it is to pretend to be more amiable than you actually want to be when dealing with horrors. Sometimes it's just to get a serious wind up going. I'm typically Bob, sometimes Max, or Frank. There's little need for consistency as the typical customer doesn't remember daft details like the doorman at their 5th venue of the night's name.<br />It's also advisable to let the others on your team know your fake name and handy to know if they're using one. You can always pretend, that when Daz at the front door, going by the name James, has sent a punter looking for Frank, being me, that he's not working tonight, James must have gotten confused, I'm Bob, short for Robert but everyone calls me Bob. Yeah, I'm not the full shilling but it does alleviate some of the boredom.<br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-33327199134944352072010-12-06T10:53:00.000-08:002010-12-07T13:34:23.447-08:00Put it away<span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">Now doormen have a very bad reputation when it comes to their monogamy and their morality. The phrase 'round these parts being door whores, which is also how their dance partners are known. For some ladies a musclebound gent with a modicum of self control, a wage and little free time is a winner. For a large number of doormen, this is enough of a reason to practice the most essential bodily function. For a few of them it can become habitual. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">There are a few classic colleagues who have had to make themselves scarce when their Tuesday girl makes an appearance on their Thursday night and mrs Thursday is not in the picture but is in the club. Doorman ducks out and only does flybys on the respective parties before being fortunately called away to finish the night at another venue. Another married colleague of mine juggled several others to his wife by the simple ruse of saying the venue finished two hours later than it did giving him time to indulge himself before being missed. These are but a few of the shenanigans the emotionally simplistic gents of my profession get up to.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Not a good trend in my colleagues and not a universal one it has to be said. </span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">On a whole utility calculus I'm not entirely sure a good door whore doesn't provide more happiness than a monogamous one. </span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-48792242517379562742010-11-25T11:58:00.000-08:002010-11-25T12:03:52.003-08:00I See<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yes, it's cold.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">No you can't have my coat, my hat, my gloves, my boots.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yes, it's cold out.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">No, I had noticed, I've been standing in it for two, three maybe four hours.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yes, it's icy.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">No, they haven't gritted it, they might be gritting bus routes and thoroughfares.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yes, it's slippy.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've been watching folk fall over all night.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yes, it's cold.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">It's bloody winter, you'd be stunned if it wasn't at 3 in the morning.</span><br /><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-42569550630739995162010-11-18T12:57:00.000-08:002010-11-18T14:26:13.806-08:00Fronting Up<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Some encounters you have, you know fairly bloody quickly you've not got the firepower.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">When you've got a lad with you who's pulled his back, another inside, working straight through after a 12 hour static site shift and 3 hours sleep preceding and a new lad, keeping the smoking area tidy at about the extreme of his capability and skill keeping the smokers outside and the drinks in.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">When a large group of lively gentlemen who clearly enjoy some extra-dietary supplements and are thoroughly in drink decide a visit to the venue you're at will make their night complete. 7 big ones, 1 older one and 2 young ones make up the group. In a line-up by body weight or bicep I'd have weighed in seventh or eighth out of the lot of us.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Sorry gents, not tonight" goes the initial approach aimed at the first pair to make it within easy hearing range of the door.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">This doesn't slow them and they end up well inside my personal space before they clock that the words were meant for them and I'm not shifting myself out of the way.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The rest of the group stumble to a stop and I continue with a slightly more padded explanation.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">"Alright gents, we don't do large groups, we don't do only lads and a few of you have had one to many to get in. Try somewhere else tonight gents."</span><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: verdana; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-size:85%;" >"You're fucking joking mate. We're of in after some totty."</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-size:85%;" ><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">"No Gents, you're not coming in, we're not the place for you tonight"</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">First bit of real confrontation, a very assertive negative statement with a dissuading tone after.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The trick is then to gauge the response, without the numbers or the bulk, it's time to get clever. Give them time to hang themselves. There strength in numbers and confidence is also their weakness. They all think it's worth their effort to have a verbal go.</span><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic; font-family: verdana; color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-size:85%;" >"You're a dickhead." "Get real" "Are you going to stop us?" "Fuck off you knobhead"<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">By this point you've identified the three or four gobby ones, the three who could be persuaded and the three who will want to keep out of it right until their blood's up.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Just hold the position, keep silent, keep watching, ready to spring if needed. Don't rise and respond, don't manoeuvre to get a better place. If you move to take an upper hand, they'll see it and if they want to just blast past. If you do nothing, they have to get angry or physical against a passive enemy. Not an overt fists up, screaming, red faced opponent, but a mute, immobile, passive obstacle. Most gents don't get it, can't manage to get angry without some escalation. Give it a ridiculous amount of time and they'll fail to find a way in. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Not always going to work, very low effort solution when it does. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Takes some serious patience but better than dancing back to back with your colleague as you keep your guard up and wait for the boys in blue. </span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-28606522295026359842010-11-09T13:06:00.000-08:002010-11-09T14:27:50.738-08:00Drama<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">There are some people who always bring a drama with them. They've normally got an overactive gob and are always blameless for any of the activity. There will have been insults, slights, historic misbehaviour, outfit choices, venue choices and of course potential partner choices all joining the list of affronts. Never in the wrong, always in my ear. Not going to win me round by the more you talk, the more you achieve approach to arguing, I tend to lean the other way. The more you gab on, ranting shite, the less I'm willing to do.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-9494698455664160202010-10-30T14:44:00.000-07:002010-10-30T15:08:42.256-07:00Slow<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Not in a politically correct Jeremy Clarkson apology way, there really are a lot of very special people out there. Some are made special by consuming alcohol, others by consuming drugs. Some however are just normally missing a few cards in their pack. They all provide the business with custom, their money is the same as everyone else's, their problems also seem to be everyone else's.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">As doorstaff we have to communicate with the punters, sometimes in a hurry, sometimes with all the time and patience in the world. More often than you would credit it takes all the time and patience we have. The concept that access to a venue is not a right. Simple premise, it's not yours, you don't own it, it's not a public institution, there is no "rights" issue with being rejected. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The simple ones seem to struggle with this concept. The idea should be common to just about anybody whose lived in the world. The special folk don't get it, even when explained in words of one syllable, very slowly. This can infuriate some staff, my response is generally to laugh, whether it's with the other doorstaff on by myself. I care about humanity, if I let the mentally deficient get me down I'd really struggle to keep meeting them every night.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-53882836023855297472010-10-27T12:57:00.000-07:002010-10-27T13:54:37.619-07:00Boo Hoo<span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0); font-family: verdana;font-size:85%;" >Are you upset at me?<br />I've been sworn at, swung at, spat at, lied about and threatened. I get paid to stand on a door to a place that advertises itself as luxurious, sexual, laden with promise and a state to be desired. I get to tell people that this is not for them, by dint of life's many varied journeys, their personal journey doesn't include the inside of the venue. I get to see the disappointment and the many alternative reactions to this. Most reactions are negative, some of them get directed at me. Some of it fairly so.<br />I don't play fair, I don't give folk a fair chance. I don't treat each individual on their potential. I make broad judgements, I discriminate. I get to define a select set of excluded folk, I don't care that it's not fair. I get paid by the management, I get paid to make decisions good for the business. That's why I make the decisions I do, at least that's what I like to think.<br />I don't dislike people in general, just the specific ones in front of me.<br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-68723989027886259192010-10-14T11:21:00.000-07:002010-10-14T12:02:53.312-07:00SIA goodbye<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">It seems the doormans bane the <a href="http://www.sia.homeoffice.gov.uk/Pages/home.aspx">SIA</a>, the Security Industry Authority, is on the big list of QUANGO's listed for a "phased transition into a new regulatory regime".</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will this mean higher efficiency?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will this mean higher data security, not <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7713493.stm">un-vetted un-documented migrants</a> doing data entry and handling ID, credit card & bank details?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will it mean higher quality of service, not process times so long cheques sent have expired and <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_midlands/7110804.stm">applications drift for months</a> once they have been made 'priority'?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will it mean better value for money, not £200+ for a shiny card, a partial CRB check and a poorly maintained database entry?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will it mean accountable assessments of cases affecting livelihoods and families, or will it be summary judgements made by anonymous individuals with no visibility of evidence or opportunity for rebuttal?</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">Will it mean membership relates to repr?</span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">esentation in a positive meaningful way, or will it just be <a href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7675153.stm">us paying</a> in to keep annonymous unelected committees sitting and their tea trays full</span></span><span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">All I can say is I wait and see. I can only say doing a noticeably worse job would surely have to be an act of deliberate collective failure.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-18111937853607151932010-10-11T10:33:00.000-07:002010-10-11T10:48:36.923-07:00Not up to it<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">Some nights you're full of cold, carrying a niggling muscle injury or sprain, not had enough of the right sleep or otherwise off colour. Doing my job, there are not a lot of options for ducking out of a shift and when you're there and signed in there really shouldn't be any way to shirk off the heavy stuff. You can't sit around when a fights kicked off, people are being restrained and emotions are running high. You can hang about the door and direct traffic, hold up the incoming, hold out the ejected, speed out the departing and try not to get too wound up.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">On the whole you just have to get through it. You ask for an early night, you opt for the roles with a lower likelihood of being first on scene, and hope you don't end up running around every night. What you do is feel like shit all night and hope you can get your head down and get some proper rest. Other than that, I just try and be my normal cheerful, forgiving, open-minded, charitable self. Sorry, that should have read be my normal surly, judgemental, opinioned and harsh minded self.</span><br /><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-89389458935723817322010-10-04T13:14:00.000-07:002010-10-04T13:36:50.225-07:00Spanked<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">I was working one night in a dirty little chav hole of a venue. It was midweek and we only had a limited number of customers hanging on into the end of the night. There were a few stragglers from a girlie birthday party, mini skirts, hair badly extended, hoop earrings and tits, midriff, arse and legs out. One group they interacted with was 3 dodgy looking lads in horizontal stripes and variously shaved heads, looking like they'd been out celebrating either a prison release or a no-win no fee payout. These three gents went over and struck up a rapport with the girls. After a round of drinks, the girls decided to put on a bit of a show. The lads were sat 'round a table and the girls got onto the edge of the dancefloor and started gyrating against the railings. This show caught a few peoples attentions and the girls lapped it up. The glorious finale was when one of them shoved her arse towards one of the gents and he provided an open handed slap to the cheek which nearly took her feet off the floor. I was expecting her to get irate, maybe get a bit sheepish, no, she giggled, gyrated up and down a few more times then asked him for more before bending over for another smack. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I left them to this only to find her complaining as the lights went up and I began to shuffle everyone out. She bitched to me that he'd slapped her. I said, I'd seen it but that giggling and asking for more wasn't a very mixed signal. She left it there an staggered on into the night with one cheek with a full purple handprint over the nearly completely uncovered buttock. It didn't seem to bother her too much as she kept warm on the way out with his hand over her not throbbing hot buttock.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-91538322312083282942010-09-21T12:49:00.000-07:002010-09-21T13:25:33.786-07:00Full ahead<span style="color: rgb(0, 51, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've been privy to a number of opening nights over the years. They all have their own charms, from super clubs where you're in a team of 20+ to the relaunch of a flagging pub in the charmless end of town. There are a couple of things they all have in common though. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">There will inevitably be jobs not done. The timescale of a launch is planned well in advance and all of the contractors are assigned their tasks. Initiations are sent out for the day and the PR machines spring into action. This means that when the inevitable delays, errors and cancellations occur there will always be tasks left undone. Most don't impact the fun for the majority of folks, most don't really have an impact on my work. Some, like the intruder alarms triggering all night, do have an impact but in a 'show must go on' type of way, we work 'round it and get it all running smoothly.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">There is always a ludicrous guest list. The press, the local scene, the music, wine or ale specialists that they want to impress and even the contractors. This eclectic mix is inevitably supplemented by the staff, past present and future. All of these have partners and friends. This doesn't even include the VIPs, celebrities and investors who turn up to party. This as well as the high tide flood of punters stirred into curiosity by the promotions and PR drive.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Then we have the failures, things that were working 5 minutes ago stop working, things that didn't do that, suddenly do. This is just normal in a venue of any size, how you react to it usually takes teamwork and experience, not something you've necessarily got when those doors swing open for the first time. What you do then is think fast and solve it, lie, cheat, beg borrow and steal to make it through with the least amount of disruption to the smooth, polished facade your presenting. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The over-riding thing that is common to all of these events is the disappointment. All of the promoters, planners and stakeholders try hard. They commit a large amount of time, money and effort to making it as big as possible. They plan and hope for it to be as big as they can possibly imagine. They anticipate all of their marketing hitting the target, the weather being great, the cup tie not involving the local team, the competitors missing a trick. This doesn't come off and despite the cocaine smiles and sleep deprivation, they are all disappointed. I make it to the end of another shift, maybe stressful, maybe energetic but as long as I make it through and don't make too many mistakes I go away satisfied. </span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-10576973001500179192010-09-12T07:08:00.000-07:002010-09-12T07:39:11.330-07:00minimum unit price<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">The recently proposed </span><a style="font-family: verdana;" href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/sep/02/scotland-minimum-price-alcohol">minimum prices on a unit</a><span style="font-family: verdana;"> of alcohol will only have a positive effect on our trade.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The minimum price is inevitably so low only the most ludicrous drinks offer will be affected. The trebles for singles and drink all you can nights. These will not impact in a bad way on our trade. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">No club, bar or pub will be suffering. We may see a few more, folks coming in, we may see a lot more folk coming in direct from home and already battered. We may even see folks starting their night earlier and enjoying a variety of bars on their way round to the clubs. We'll maybe see less young underclass strutting the streets with bottles and cans of super cheap super strong lager.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">We may even see the habitual street drinkers and 'homeless' sober once in a while, or at least forced to confront some aspects of their behaviour. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">The very cheapest of alcohol is not of benefit to anyone. I'm sure the supermarkets will survive one thing not going in their favour.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-1516999701445653342010-09-12T05:23:00.000-07:002010-09-30T15:34:41.653-07:00Absinthe I<span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 153);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family:verdana;">This evil green poison makes for some very messed up folks.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">An afternoon of sipping the green fairy can lead to such entertaining adventures as setting fire to your sleeves on a candle. This can happen to anyone leaning over the table to pour the wine or retrieve a distant condiment. Normally sniffing, screaming, flapping, flailing and agitation ensue with some patting blowing and general disruption. Occasionally, there are the smooth, who just smother it without getting fussed and carry on a little singed.</span><br /><span style="font-family:verdana;">One gent on </span>absinthe<span style="font-family:verdana;"> just watched. His shirt caught alight, at the cuff, I noticed as the whole of his sweater was alight like a garden torch. He seemed most interested in the interplay of flesh, fabric and flames. A quick tackle with a one armed full body hug dealt with the flames. a large jug of ice water held the arm until the blue light taxi arrived. A long gentle persuasion led him to getting the treatment he required and us bidding him good bye for the evening. The smell of burning arm hair stayed with us all night.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-40784218802480515892010-09-01T14:13:00.000-07:002010-09-01T14:50:14.531-07:00Ooops<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 0);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">up side the head.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">Our lovely students fill the place with their drunken cheer. They're enticed in with all sorts of cheap drink related frivolity. One historic favourite was the tequila line. The DJ would wait until the dancers were flagging a little and the bars were lulled before they all switched to water. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">He would summon the dj's assistant to get the two tequila bottles with speedpours. The oops up side you head tune gets on the PA and the floor fills with lines of drunken fools sitting in rows with their backs between each others spread legs. The rows would lean forward in sync, touch the floor on one side, touch the floor on the other then take both hands to their heads and lean back. This bizarre seated synchronised wiggling to a tune of little merit only survives on the promise of strong booze. The dj's assistant works his way up and down the lines pouring tequila straight into willing mouths. Not a great deal but enough to help and get them moving - perhaps back to the bar after they've worked their way up off the floor.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">This had become a time honoured tradition, which in night club terms means it had lasted longer than 1 year. The best results we had from this were those so distracted by the slim, shifting line of tequila and their attempts to get their mouths under every last drop that they lean forward as the line they're sitting in reaches the end of their backstroke. The result, clashes of heads, spitting of tequila into hair and eyes of relative strangers and general hilarity for all those standing watching. Even the sober, bored looking ones sweating in a tie and jacket.</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20735448.post-1253328292574939752010-08-25T13:38:00.000-07:002010-08-25T14:22:24.263-07:00Getting Old<span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 51);font-size:85%;" ><span style="font-family: verdana;">My usual routine of building up muscle and training it down is coming to an end.</span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">I've reached an age where I've realised the image of an oversize, lump of muscle is neither positive or of benefit to me. I am after a visit to the doctor judged by the blind scale of BMI to be clinically obese. I've always been active, I'm on my feet and walking, running upstairs, wrestling people all of the time I'm at work. I trainn hard cardio and high rep weights and have a muscular physique. The dumb assessment that my mass exceeds a safe limit for my height is not something I take too seriously. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">It does flag up that I'm an outlier. That what I've been doing over the years with my build has placed me in the extreme of the distribution and as I get older this will only be getting more apparent. It's time to slim down, up the fitness and do with technique what I've been doing with body weight. I'm not going to be disappearing anytime soon, hiding behind lampposts or being confused for a marathon runner will not be me. I think I'm just aiming to turn some of the overdeveloped musculature into a more conventional broad shouldered sporty build. </span><br /><span style="font-family: verdana;">We'll see how this goes down at work. I'll still have a face like a bag of spanners and all the lessons I've learned so far but being smaller will reduce my physical presence. Will this lead to more grief or less grief?</span><br /></span>Adoor Manhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06596184579442687942noreply@blogger.com7