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Friday, March 24, 2006

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies

Something that perpetually causes entertainment is the difficulties of large, intimidating rough looking doormen dealing with small, non-threatening, pretty-faced, off their face ladies. The usual hands on approach used for those who can’t prop themselves up is often best avoided as the light strappy tops in combination with tottering off high heels in a drunken state make the slipping of hands and garments all too easy and no one working wants to be called a pervert for what they’ve been doing legitimately at work.

So the best approach is often to present an arm and some patience as you guide a very unstable former lady to the door. Unstable in both the physical and psychological sense probably both as the result of those daft looking shoes.

As I was indicating, patience is often the best approach but when stubbornness and drunken obstinance provide a person for ejection/rejection who needs a more physical approach certain members of the door team prove themselves blindingly useless. I’m sure it is moments like this that bring female doorfolk the high pay they receive. The male doorman will generally hesitate in getting hands on and be weaker than needed when restraining the lass in order not to be impolite. My approach is to get stuck in and as if dealing with a troublesome child, pick them bodily up and move them as far as needed ensuring no slips of hands and no harm to either party. Though the look of professionalism is somewhat diminished when the daft footwear falls off and I have to scamper back and collect the offending/offensive/torturing object and present it back to the inevitably ranting bint in my best prince charming fashion.

Well its better than getting bitch slapped and still not having a comeback which I’ve seen a colleague of mine suffer. 20stone violent drunks look simple by comparison.

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