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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The little fella

Now often you hear about how folk need to stand up for the little fella'. Apparently this is because the little fella can't stand up for himself. Don't be deceived.

There are fella's both little and big who can't stand up for themselves. In my line of work this effect is usually the body's response to a week's worth of sensible drinking packed into a couple of hours. There are however the little ones who do know how to stand up for themselves and this can lead to some very interesting circumstances.

A former fellow doorman who is very small indeed managed to suprise most of the drunken fools he encountered with his combination of bravado, certainty and the secret knowledge that he could maim most folks without giving them the time to notice. This skill set provided hours of mirth for us as time and again we'd get to see the drunk male's IQ test being performed as follows...

Little fella steps in between large doorman and medium sized very angry punter.
Large doorman smiles, little fella looks stern, punter looks up at smiling big doorman and then down to stern little doorman.

This is the bit where the IQ is tested. The smile on the big fella's face should send the cogs whirring and the punter questioning whether it may be a bad idea to attempt a pop at the little fella.
Those who don't find the penny dropping and think they've been given a free swing at a much smaller punchbag find themselves dropping and don't think much beyond that.

On occasion this situation can be witnessed between punters in their native state. That state is pissed up and brawling. On a rare occasion a doorman will face this same IQ test and thankfully only the very stupid ones fail the test when sober and with plenty of other options.

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