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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I am

Apparently...
Fat,

A Wanker,
A Cunt,
A Jobsworth,
Stupid,
Spiteful,
Violent,
A Bully,
A Pervert,
A Twat,
'Roider,
Meat-head,
A Fuck,
A Fucker,
A Fuckhead,
Ignorant,
Heartless,
Moron,
A Dickhead,
Scum,
Worthless,
A Tosser,
A Prick,

Please feel free to add any I've missed. Folks will be coming out drinking for about their only time each year. Dragged away from children and partners to get drunk with their colleages. They don't meet doorstaff often, they don't know how to handle their drinks or themselves in public.
I'll get most of these hurled at me in the next few weeks. I may even make a bingo game out of it.
Prizes for avoiding any of them and still actually dealing with the public.
Prizes for hearing a new one.

10 comments:

joker1972 said...

I did security work for a number of years. I think you got most of them

Anonymous said...

Like the idea of the bingo game, that will give us something to do on a night. Oh yes its coming up to that Friday before Christmas, the one we all love. Why do people cause so much trouble before xmas? Do they think it will look good in the family album, all sat round the table at Christmas, mum, kids and dad with his face kicked in.
Yes its time for mr 30 something to come out for his only time of the year, escape the family and end up battered. The drunken teens wanting to fight everyman and his dog. The drunken slags reeking of vomit,cigs and cheap drink wanting a Christmas kiss. To quote a song, "and i think to myself, what a wonderful world".

an.otherdoorman said...

If this is the fully comphrehensive list you've clearly got off lightly ;)

Anonymous said...

I've worked for Stuarts festival security and been called all of those ones. I'm now a teacher of excluded kids with ADHD etc and get called even more! We're trained in physical management techniques so now and then I get called pedo or kiddy fiddler. Gotta say it's the only one that pisses me off. The odd threat that 'I'll fuck your mum' doesn't bother me at al. I'm white. In the last two weeks I've been called 'paki', and 'black bastard'. I'm one of the popular staff so you can imagine how bad the others get called!
I enjoy your blog, it's good stuff. If you haven't already, you should read 'Watch My Back' by Geoff Thompson. Written by an ex-door. Bloody good. Meant to be being made into a film with Ray 'You fackin cunt' Winstone.
Steve

Anonymous said...

One of the best I've heard was when an older toff was ejected from a club in London. He hauled himself to his feet, faced the two doormen, and declared:

"Gentleman, I shall read your obituaries with great pleasure."

Adoor Man said...

I have to admit, a public school education does seem to give rise to a better standard of abuse.
Monosyllabic chavs just don't put the effort into vocaulary.

Anonymous said...

I do enjoy reading your blog...

Anonymous said...

Stuck-up English Bitch seems to be one I get a lot - and I just work on reception for a private members club. The fact that I'm not any of the above makes it all the more entertaining when turning away pissed non-members.

Anonymous said...

Although you've got 'roider listed, Sted-head is also common in my neck of the wood.

I do find non-sweary, almost quaint, insults can be much more cutting.

Anonymous said...

Bitch, Cow, Lesbian.... it's great being a female on the door, the insults are highly original, and only stop when you are getting hit on instead....

Fun times.