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Tuesday, February 08, 2011


I am still amazed by the ability of folks, most often men it has to be said, who in drink appear to become invincible. With a sufficient number of over-strength lagers inside them, they can seemingly do amazing feats of strength, stupidity and self abuse which would leave most sober folks, exhausted, broken or befuddled.
I have seen grown men piggy back two others, at the same time, up a steep rain soaked street. This was done, to some applause, from a taxi queue which he had decided would be too long hence he became the one man hansom cab.
I have seen and heard a gent rip a door from it's hinges with his fingertips after convincing himself the door opened inwards at the hinge side. This involved wrenching 6 screws, three each plate, from their positions deep in a brick wall. The offender and offended door emerged into the rest of the toilet area, with a load crash, to find a troop of doorstaff ready to escort him from the venue and escort the door to a store room until the night was over.
I've seen a gentleman, for surely he was one, punch an outside wall, repeatedly, until the plaster was off the brickwork, his hand was a squishy mess and we were waiting on two varieties of blue light taxi to arrive. He then gave us the finger, picked up his bottle of beer, with the busted hand, took a swill of beer, poured some blood and beer down his chin and sallied off into the night.
Oh for the mornings after.

1 comment:

Germ Girl said...

Heh...I've taken care of that broken/bruised/lacerated hand the following morning. The worst I've seen was a guy who smashed his fist over, and over into the brick mail box column near a venue from which he'd been ejected. The police escorted him to my place of business whereupon we discovered 2 dislocated fingers, 3 knuckles fractured as well as wrist bones and carpals. His night of idiocy cost him most of the use of his right hand, because he injured the tendons as well.

He was in, again, last weekend--this time for flu-symptoms. I overheard his friend call him "lobster boy."