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Monday, June 19, 2006

Being set up II

Now there are always going to be times when to allieviate the immense boredom of a job, which basically involves watching other people have fun, leads to a prank or two. With the chopping and changing of staff this weekend saw a classic series of wind ups.

One I will divulge purely because the punter involved will be highly unlikely to even remember the incident let alone read about it here happened on the front door. The door pair were having a very quiet night so, on the arrival to the door of a very inebrated single male in his mid thirties one doorman steps to the side and lets the other repell the drunkard.

"Why you not letting me in?"
"I think you've had enough. I don't want you in here."
"Is is 'cos I'm a geordie, ya racist?"
No it's beacuse you're hammered, now go home"
"You're a bastard, you are"

All fairly run of the mill so far. At this point the punter takes a step back and prepares to launch himself onto a futile tirade. Here the other doorman intervenes but with a suprising line.

"You're right he is a bastard, I'd've let you in if it were up to me."

Here the punter turns to see who's supporting him. A good test of sobriety, as if one's needed, is whether he clocks his new found ally as a doorman or not. With his new buddy he carries on strenghtened.

"Eh? Yeah he is a cock. You know that, you're a fat f**king cock you are."
Doorman now gets the feeling of being the but of the joke and either plays along or loses it. This man plays along.
"You're p*ssed, you're wasting my time and he can't do a thing to help you get in here."
"You're a f**king w*nker, I'm not p*ssed and I'm coming in."
"No sir, you're going home, I'm getting bored and he's getting a smack up side the heed."
"You here that buddy, this cock's gonna take us both on."
Here the turncoat pipes back up.
"He is a fat cock and he's gonna get a kicking, I'm with you buddy"
"You're right man. You're gonna get a kicking"
One wink from the turncoat the end result is inevitable.

The punter launches himself at the straight doorman and is suddenly suprised that he's gained the power of flight. This is due to the wind up merchant grabbing a belt loop on his jeans and letting him levitate towards the front door. The look of terror in the punters eyes as the laws of physics break is more than worth the effort. Once back on his feet back a yard further away from where he started he wanders off realising he's been had and that in fact there were two fat w*nkers on the door.
It's one way to fill ten minutes on a dead shift.

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